This page is basic information you can use to ask yourself if you are in an abusive relationship. If you can relate to three or more facts I suggest you contact us or a crisis line in your area and get help. Love should never hurt...

Examples of abuse include:

  • name-calling or putdowns
  • keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
  • withholding money
  • stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
  • actual or threatened physical harm
  • sexual assault
  • stalking
  • intimidation

This is the cycle of violence that often repeats over and over again. Check to see if your relationship follows this pattern


  • Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)

Tension Building

  • Abuser starts to get angry
  • Abuse may begin to name call or make threats
  • There is a breakdown of communication
  • Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
  • Tension becomes too much
  • Victim feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'


  • Abuser may apologize for abuse
  • Abuser may promise it will never happen again
  • Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
  • Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims


  • Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
  • Physical abuse may not be taking place
  • Promises made during 'making-up' may be met
  • Victim may hope that the abuse is over
  • Abuser may give gifts to victim

and then it starts all over again...a week..a month or a year from now. Each incident becoming more violent than the last.

Self Care...Everyone should do it!!!!

But especially If you suffered from abuse or have been a witness to violence or extreme lost we feel you need to take extra steps to avoid stress and unreleased grief and pain in the body from causing dis-ease in the body. We suggest at least three of the following as ongoing or as needed things you can do to take excellent care of yourself.



*Exercise at a Gym

*Explore Nature

*Herbal Baths

*Spa Treatments


*Make Over


*Eat fresh, raw, and organic food at least once a day

*spend quality time with people who make you laugh and smile

Create a self care plan:

Commit to do one thing a day that is selfishly just for you

Commit to do one thing a week alone/ with friends/ with family (you enjoy)

Commit to do something healthy for your body/ spirit

Commit to help someone you know or a complete stranger

Volunteer somewhere

Create a daily mantra (something positive that you say over and over again in your head)

Self Care on a low - to - no - budget

Accupunture: look for places that take medical if you have it. In Oakland there is a place to get free Acupuncture every month look that up to and once I find information on this I will post it. Look for Chinese Medicine Schools, they offer low pay services as well. 

*Free Exercise: you can check out yoga and other exercise dvd's from your local library or running/ jogging /walking/dancing/biking/hiking 

Create spa day at home or with friends and trade off finger nail painting, foot rubs and massages

*Restful sleep/healing body bath recipe

1 1/2 cup epsom salt (Dollar Store)

2 -3 bags of camomile tea (any food store)

3 drops sweet smelling body oil (Dollar store)

 3 caps full of Bubble bath (Dollar Store) 

draw the bath, light a candle, pray to heal your body and soak for at least 20 min in silence. Get out dry off and go to bed.

*Organic food is expensive but get it when you can, fresh is always better than frozen or canned organic or not.

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